A couple of days ago, a dear friend of mine gave me this book and she recommended it as a very light and really good read about love and all its complications, so I had to take a look.
By the way, Happy Birthday for today sweetie and have a great year! I know you’re reading this and you were looking forward to it.
The book is in Romanian and the translation goes something like this: “Talking to Emma” by Vitali Cipileaga.
I decided to write about this book and open my heart as well and everybody who really knows me, it’s aware that I like to put all my energy into something, I may be superficial at times, but usually it’s all or nothing with me and I go all in.
It’s rare that a little book like this gives me so many feelings and puts me through so many mixed emotions.
It’s a very light read, but complex as well. It talks about love and all the stages that we go through and it seems like this young man knows everything there is to know about love.
His knowledge and insight is amazing, I’ve never met any man that is so deep and profound, it’s really astonishing.
The book is about 185 pages, I remember yesterday when I started reading, by the 50th page, I felt like crying continuously, because the way he looks at love and his perception about it, is too ideal, he talks about something that can never be accomplished, a bit unrealistic and out of those Jane Austen novels.
He says that the other person completes us and that we’re nothing without the significant other.
I cannot agree with this, as my belief is that we need to become whole first, be happy by ourselves first, love and nourish our soul, and then we can be happy with someone else and add to their happiness and share good and bad moments together, but not that our happiness depends on them or theirs on us. It’s too much responsibility for something as important as this.
It’s not that we have only one soul mate in this life and we should wait forever till we find it, but that everybody is our soulmate in the end, everybody has teachings and lessons to give, they all come into our lives to heal our childhood wounds, to reveal a part of ourselves that we’ve hidden from the rest of the world, to bring out the best in us or the worst and to break us free from those negative traits and conditions.
Another thing I believe, is that you can never say someone is the love of your life, because until you die, there can be many loves of your life. In any given moment, someone can become a great part of it all, but I would suggest to never make them the Sun of your existence.
The best way to avoid being consumed by love or to have expectations that cannot be met is to love them fully and completely, but be detached from them and also be aware that in any given moment, everything can end and you need to be ok with that.
It’s important that you become the right person and you’re the love of your life and then you can find someone who matches who you are and how you feel and share that in a beautiful relationship.
By the 90th page I felt so sad and depressed, because he writes about all the complications that we all go through when we love someone, but on the good side, it made me realize that when you find that special person that you’ve been waiting for and that means to you more than everybody else have, you come to the conclusion that all the people before them were just a preparation and a tour de force for your soul’s growth and you will know why it never lasted with the others.
For the rest of the book I was objective and read with my heart and mind open and I realized it’s all about choices and how they can make or break your life, depending on what you choose.
I am the kind of person that likes to feel and to share love and if I am in a relationship I love with all my heart.
I really loved twice actually in my life, the first one was a toxic love that helped me to get rid of my childhood wounds and insecurities and the other one I truly loved, because love from what I experienced so far, is really accepting the other person for who they are and not trying to change them in any way and isn’t this what we really want? To be fully accepted and totally understood by another human being? I believe it is.
You see, love is not possessing the other person, trying to make them over or changing their core personality. I never really understood people that like to make someone into the person that fits their own ideas of a perfect person, depending on their upbringing and beliefs.
It’s stupid and useless. If you have a problem with another person, you actually have a problem with yourself and I would suggest that it’s better to stay single and deal with all your shit and childhood crap before entering a relationship.
Usually people enter because they need something, they want to get a little bit of love that they cannot provide for themselves or to satisfy some of the ego’s desires.
I liked this phrase, because it reminded of something that happened to me, it goes something like this: “Don’t tell me my love to leave, because you don’t deserve me. One day, I might say you’re right.”
It happened to me because the man I loved didn’t feel he deserved me and asked why I love him, and in which case I found that annoying and I slapped him..twice..pretty hard (I guess in the end, he was right).
Not because I’m such a great person, but because I know my value and I don’t want to waste my time on childish men acting and pretending to be adults.
My love has no reasoning and I hope no one asks me that question ever again.
I don’t understand why you need a reason to love someone, isn’t that called conditional love then? And why can’t just people accept someone’s love, without questioning it and suspecting it to be something else?
I know it’s because they may have never received it before with honesty since they were really young or their hearts may have been broken by immature and mean people, challenged through all sorts of disappointments, but I’m just asking for the sake of asking.
I’ve also been asked, Why don’t you love me? Or, Why don’t you like me?
Well, at least in that case, there are reasons for that and I can give them, but prefer not to, as I don’t want to hurt.
It’s just the way it is, if my heart doesn’t want, it just doesn’t, no matter how good looking you are, how much money you have or what a great personality you possess. I hope I’ll never be asked that question ever again either.
On a different scheme of things, you can never say never and I can say that sometimes I am superficial and a hypocrite, and I’ve crossed down some of my principles. I’m not ashamed with that, because I am not perfect, nor do I intend to be, I’ve got things that’s better left unsaid, but no regrets.
To get back to the book, I can say that it talks too much about love and everything in between.
You see, love is simple and it should be, it’s just that people make it complicated and it becomes a drag.
In my perspective and I’ll finish with this long post, I’ll say that for love to last and become beautiful and fulfilling, it needs just a few ingredients.
- It’s a constant work, it just takes a little bit of effort everyday and consideration for the other person. Just because you found someone that makes your heart jump, that doesn’t mean your work is done. That’s the problem with everyone, they take everything for granted and expect it to last with no effort on their part and when the other person leaves, they wonder: “What’s wrong? What did I do?”. Well, it’s not what you’ve done, but what you didn’t do.
- Enduring love takes real love, sincere and honest, if one is and the other isn’t, well.. it’s not gonna work.
- Acceptance. I’ll keep talking about this one, because it’s the most important, if you cannot accept someone for who they are, how can you expect to love them? Think about it.
- Trust. Like I said before, I can love with my full heart, but if my trust is broken, then there’s nothing I can do, but leave. It’s really important for us women to know that our man is really OUR man and until all men out there will understand that too, many break ups will still go on.
- Appreciation and admiration. It’s all related to the taken for granted stuff, that I’ve discussed earlier.
- Compatibility. I cannot sweat enough about how important this is. If you have the same vision, values and passions, you feel the same for each other, you are on the same page on spiritual growth and willing to help each other in theirs and if you are attracted to each other that you feel you want to jump on them the moment you see them and have amazing sex together, then that’s compatibility.
- Respect. Nothing more here to say. Respect should be given in every way and any way. Period.
- Mutual support and encouragement. We all have bad times in our lives, and sometimes we just need someone to give us a big hug and tell us that everything is going to be alright. Someone to push us to achieve our goals, to believe in us when we’re down and to get out the best of us.
- Feeling at easy with each other. Being free to speak your mind regarding your feelings, goals and even your craziest fantasies without any shame, guilt or fear, it’s one of the basic elements in a relationship.
- Desire. Everything that we women do, we do it because we want to feel wanted and desired by our men. For me for example, it’s a great feeling when I know my guy wants me truly and totally. Passion should always be sparked, even after years of being together.
That’s about it with what I think a real lasting love has as ingredients.
If you don’t want to put the effort, you’re too afraid and at the tinniest fight or argument, you’re willing to break something beautiful, then this is not for you.
Just go and play with human Ken and Barbie dolls until you grow up and know what you really want.
The book is a bit big on this subject and it goes into every single detail about it, but it’s a great book, worth reading and getting new insights, it’s just that my vision on this matter is a bit simpler than that.
Wish everyone could find a great love and live it and honor it. It should be worth the wait 🙂